I always wipe my glasses clean before heading out to work. By afternoon, when I take them out to wipe them again I notice a lot of dust has accumulated on the lenses and I am happily unaware of it. I can only see them when I take my glasses and inspect it on a different view.
I am unaware of stuff clouding up my vision. But I notice the dirt on my desk, monitor…etc. That is, further to me than my own glasses that rest on my nose.
There are certain friends/people in my environment that are quick to notice the dust in my lenses. And hate me for it. At times, I get terribly affected, sometimes I just don’t care but honestly, it hurts. That I start seeing/looking at the dust that clouds up their lenses too and resenting them.
I don’t even think of them as friends anymore.
Getting to a point that I can feel hate. The mere sound of their voice makes me want to hurl.
I am walking on a thin thread with this. I swing back and forth from hate and tolerance. I pray for patience and wisdom in dealing with them that at times I prayed that they get the feeling that they make me feel. Sad, I know.
This is partly why I am an introvert from the start. I am afraid of people.
Ignoring my “triggers” seems to help. But that can also grow thin. I just remind myself this:
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. –Matthew 7:1-5
Dear God, please help me with the dust in my eyes. Give me a heart of compassion.