Because nothing screams bridal quite like a white ball gown wedding dress.
The photo shows a dress named Pam. Just like my name. It was named after me.
After all this is a Zuhair Murad 2016 spring-summer bridal collection, a strapless number with sweetheart neckline and lace embroidery, romantic style white wedding ball-gown dress with veil.
That was quite a description.
So, when did I want to look like a generic bride? Since I had my wedding gown barbie. That was eons ago.
Or was it because all my friends wore white ballgowns? And all the aunts thinks a ball gown looks more expensive than other styles?
I examined pictures of the dresses I fit again, and again. Maybe more hours staring at it than I care to admit. It has been a warped huge cloud of a dress with a lot of stuff. I am trying to stuff every dress I wanted in my entire 29 years of living into one. That is a very very tall order. And a scary one at that.
I wanted the big huge giant ballgown like what my barbie doll wore from my childhood days, the pink prom dress I wore, my lilac enchanted dress given to me by my uncle, the polka dotted peach tea dress from my aunt, a berriboned fuschia and pink floor length gown that made me feel better after having an asthma attack, the silver and periwinkle ballgown I wore to my cousin’s wedding… basically, I wanted to top off everything I had worn.
I wanted my wedding dress to be the best dress that I am going to wear on my entire life.
I wanted all the magical stuff in the dress: the corset boning, the glitter, embroidery and lace, layers upon layers of sheer tulle, the frosted organza, sparkly buttons, ribbons, beading etc. All the good stuff in petite size, within my budget.
Talk about being difficult. And nowhere realistic or practical.
I am having a hard time picking out what I like. Can a mermaid be a ballgown at the same time?! I refuse to settle and spent unreasonable hours poring over magazines and the internet. I keep on saving a ton of pictures that does nothing but to muddle up my thoughts more.
But the wedding is still six months away, I thought.
What about all the other dresses out there, the ones that might be better? How can I be sure that the dress I picked, express who I am when it has features that are not really me? or not the usual? not the traditional? not like something I would wear? is it too boring? too classic? does this look bridal and formal enough? is it unique enough?
So I look for another dress… and the cycle of doubting my decision/s begins again.
To hell with what everybody thinks. I am going to pick what makes me happy.
After all there may be other brides who will wear the same style of dress that I wore. That only means I have impeccable taste. Would be my wedding be less of a wedding if my dress looks similar to another bride’s dress? No. Will my Marriage be better if I wear a Vera Wang or a Zuhair Murad? No. Will my entire wedding be recreated by other brides who used the same wedding suppliers I got? I don’t think so.
The fact that there is only one me and one Kei makes our wedding unique.
Will my wedding dress be the most awesome thing I will wear? probably.
But it is sure that I will wear more dresses after, maybe not as pretty as my wedding gown or maybe even better than my gown. Who knows? My 25th wedding anniversary/renewal of vows dress might top the first dress.
When I removed my unrealistic expectations about what I wanted from the dress, did I like what I saw. I envision myself as me only better, a polished and smiling me ready to walk to the arms of my beloved.
*No ballgowns for me. Even if it is the usual thing. Because, I am NOT YOUR USUAL bride to be. And the ballgown is so Pammy from the days gone a long time ago. =)