life of a cuddlebit

my random ramblings


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dust in my eye

I always wipe my glasses clean before heading out to work. By afternoon, when I take them out to wipe them again I notice a lot of dust has accumulated on the lenses and I am happily unaware of it. I can only see them when I take my glasses and inspect it on a different view.

I am unaware of stuff clouding up my vision.  But I notice the dirt on my desk, monitor…etc. That is, further to me than my own glasses that rest on my nose.

photo taken from the internet

photo taken from the internet

There are certain friends/people in my environment that are quick to notice the dust in my lenses. And hate me for it. At times, I get terribly affected, sometimes I just don’t care but honestly, it hurts. That I start seeing/looking at the dust that clouds up their lenses too and resenting them.

I don’t even think of them as friends anymore.

Getting to a point that I can feel hate. The mere sound of their voice makes me want to hurl.  

I am walking on a thin thread with this. I swing back and forth from hate and tolerance. I pray for patience and wisdom in dealing with them that at times I prayed that they get the feeling that they make me feel. Sad, I know.

This is partly why I am an introvert from the start. I am afraid of people.

Ignoring my “triggers” seems to help. But that can also grow thin. I just remind myself this:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. –Matthew 7:1-5

Dear God, please help me with the dust in my eyes. Give me a heart of compassion.

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my awesome Mum

Its my Mums birthday today! *I am looking forward to another awesome dinner. We are the type of family that celebrate birthdays.*

And when it is her birthday the first thing that comes to my mind is  Rocky road ice cream.

photo from christines-cuisine.blogspot.com

photo from christines-cuisine.blogspot.com

She loves that stuff, she can finish of half a tub of ice cream in one sitting. I think that alone is a feat in itself. I can only eat 3 scoops of ice cream and I get tired of it. 

My Mum is my most loyal ally and at times my worst enemy. I got her sharp tongue, freckles, panic attacks and a rather short height.  I am always in awe of my Mum. For me, I can never be a quarter of who she is, or what she does. I can also never be as beautiful as my Mum. She is the most selfless, giving, kind, loving, and positive person I know. She can find the positive in every situation, its something I am trying so hard to learn. She says all the right words in every situation. Her beauty radiates in her wisdom, determination, calm, and perseverance. She might not be physically beautiful but hers is the rare kind of beauty. It’s internal. It radiates from the inside out. It draws people to her. It’s the kind of beauty that I also want to have never fades.

 

She stood by me when the times are tough. She has stood by me through every sickness, bad grades, skinned knees, bad relationship/s I have been through. She looked like she had been dragged through hell and back when I got pneumonia and ulcer at the same time she has been by my bed side without any sleep for 3 weeks. She was the one who cried when I got my impacted tooth surgically removed. (this happened twice, I had 3 impacted teeth removed) She is also the one who was with me through the worst depression inducing surgery of my nasal polyps. And still the one who accompanies me to the dentist, E.E.N.T., family doctor and dermatologist till now.

My Mum also got into a huge argument with my Math teacher for my poor grade. The teacher made us copy the test questions from the blackboard, I copied it and solved it like everybody else but the question I copied was actually wrong. (due to my poor eyesight, that time we did not know I had myopia) So all my answers are wrong because all the questions I copied was wrong.  She petitioned for me to get a re-take this time with glasses on. I actually freaking passed. * the school the printed out test questionnaires after my unfortunate experience.

When ex-BF#1 and I decided to call it quits. She is the one I turn to for advice. She has been the shoulder I cry on. I could hear the pain in her voice when I told her ex-BF#1 cheated on me. The friend I vent to. When ex-BF#1 almost got us killed in a road rage incident, my Mum is the one I tell every sordid detail to. But even with all that she never put him down. No negative word. Mum was hurt, angry, upset, not at him and his family but at the way he/they treated me.

She is not a christian, she is a Catholic. But she prays with me. She always lets me know I am not alone. She is the reason I am resilient as I could be. She helped me face the world. She always picked me up, while never, ever putting anybody else down.

 

My mum is one tough mommy, she is selfless. Just last year she had hysterectomy and appendectomy at the same time. Through the whole healing process she is always worried about our day to day activities. And we always come home to her smiling and saying how did your day go? just like nothing happened.

 

My Mum is very compassionate. Having a full time job, being a nurturing mum to child with Cerebral Palsy (that’s my 26 year old little brother, imagine having to carry/look after him), a loving wife and business partner to my moody dad (blame that on andropause) , a supportive mum to my reckless college junior little sister, a kind mum to a rebellious me, plus a very patient grand mum/caretaker to five pet rabbits. She is always busy with doing stuff for us. (meals, packed food provisions, medicines, materials we need, occasional treats,  etc.) Most of the times we never really paid attention to what she does and yet, I know everyday would be chaos without my mum taking care of us.

 

I can also never guess what my Mum would like. I always fail when I go buying clothes for her. She is picky with fabrics. But if there is one thing  I always know is when my mum is going to scream. She screams for a lot of reasons: driving fast, the manicurist tugging her cuticle with a nipper, whistling kettle, a speeding motorcycle passing our side… etc. I can never have a boring day with my mum. We can stay at home wearing ratty pajamas and talk for hours, play chess, watch the television, eat ice cream, grab take-outs, sleep and sleep some more.

A family photo.  L-R Me, Little Sister, Dad, Mum

A family photo. (L-R) Me, Little Sister, Dad, Mum *little brother not in the photo.

Mums, Happy Birthday! We love you very much! 

-Your firstborn

 

A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. — Tenneva Jordan

 


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self help reading

I am on a strict no spending season right now. But, I am happy.

This past weekend Kei and I went to the MIBF (Manila International Book Fair at MOA-SMX) to buy some books and meet up our church friends. (Who married and moved to a different city. So they moved to a different church and we seldom see them.)  Actually, they are mentoring us on how to save up for our future. To sum it all up. I didn’t get a lot of books, No shopping, no  gourmet food but Kei and I are now a bit more prepared for the future. We can adjust, after all its for our own good.

We both got two books each from the book fair. But, I have four books as of the moment. The first two (from left) are the ones I got from the MIBF,  the third one was lent to me by my office mate, and the last is a devotional given to me as an early Christmas present from one of my care group sisters.

photos taken from the internet

photos taken from the internet

I am currently reading, The prayer of Revenge by Doug Schmidt. I got it from OMF literature for 110php -20% MIBF discount= 88php  Its a really good book on a very tough topic. I am sharing this with my mum, even though she is not a christian, she thinks its a good read. (hopefully in God’s time my mum will be a christian)

Haven’t read the others yet, although I read a few pages from Think Positive Thoughts Everyday.

 

My baptismal is also just a few weeks away! I am really excited!

My mornings are also something I look forward to. My best friend sends me a bible verse to start my day. And I am happy to report that I have been doing my quiet time without fail for the past week! I really want to keep this up.

A blessed week to everyone!