life of a cuddlebit

my random ramblings


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my awesome Mum

Its my Mums birthday today! *I am looking forward to another awesome dinner. We are the type of family that celebrate birthdays.*

And when it is her birthday the first thing that comes to my mind is  Rocky road ice cream.

photo from christines-cuisine.blogspot.com

photo from christines-cuisine.blogspot.com

She loves that stuff, she can finish of half a tub of ice cream in one sitting. I think that alone is a feat in itself. I can only eat 3 scoops of ice cream and I get tired of it. 

My Mum is my most loyal ally and at times my worst enemy. I got her sharp tongue, freckles, panic attacks and a rather short height.  I am always in awe of my Mum. For me, I can never be a quarter of who she is, or what she does. I can also never be as beautiful as my Mum. She is the most selfless, giving, kind, loving, and positive person I know. She can find the positive in every situation, its something I am trying so hard to learn. She says all the right words in every situation. Her beauty radiates in her wisdom, determination, calm, and perseverance. She might not be physically beautiful but hers is the rare kind of beauty. It’s internal. It radiates from the inside out. It draws people to her. It’s the kind of beauty that I also want to have never fades.

 

She stood by me when the times are tough. She has stood by me through every sickness, bad grades, skinned knees, bad relationship/s I have been through. She looked like she had been dragged through hell and back when I got pneumonia and ulcer at the same time she has been by my bed side without any sleep for 3 weeks. She was the one who cried when I got my impacted tooth surgically removed. (this happened twice, I had 3 impacted teeth removed) She is also the one who was with me through the worst depression inducing surgery of my nasal polyps. And still the one who accompanies me to the dentist, E.E.N.T., family doctor and dermatologist till now.

My Mum also got into a huge argument with my Math teacher for my poor grade. The teacher made us copy the test questions from the blackboard, I copied it and solved it like everybody else but the question I copied was actually wrong. (due to my poor eyesight, that time we did not know I had myopia) So all my answers are wrong because all the questions I copied was wrong.  She petitioned for me to get a re-take this time with glasses on. I actually freaking passed. * the school the printed out test questionnaires after my unfortunate experience.

When ex-BF#1 and I decided to call it quits. She is the one I turn to for advice. She has been the shoulder I cry on. I could hear the pain in her voice when I told her ex-BF#1 cheated on me. The friend I vent to. When ex-BF#1 almost got us killed in a road rage incident, my Mum is the one I tell every sordid detail to. But even with all that she never put him down. No negative word. Mum was hurt, angry, upset, not at him and his family but at the way he/they treated me.

She is not a christian, she is a Catholic. But she prays with me. She always lets me know I am not alone. She is the reason I am resilient as I could be. She helped me face the world. She always picked me up, while never, ever putting anybody else down.

 

My mum is one tough mommy, she is selfless. Just last year she had hysterectomy and appendectomy at the same time. Through the whole healing process she is always worried about our day to day activities. And we always come home to her smiling and saying how did your day go? just like nothing happened.

 

My Mum is very compassionate. Having a full time job, being a nurturing mum to child with Cerebral Palsy (that’s my 26 year old little brother, imagine having to carry/look after him), a loving wife and business partner to my moody dad (blame that on andropause) , a supportive mum to my reckless college junior little sister, a kind mum to a rebellious me, plus a very patient grand mum/caretaker to five pet rabbits. She is always busy with doing stuff for us. (meals, packed food provisions, medicines, materials we need, occasional treats,  etc.) Most of the times we never really paid attention to what she does and yet, I know everyday would be chaos without my mum taking care of us.

 

I can also never guess what my Mum would like. I always fail when I go buying clothes for her. She is picky with fabrics. But if there is one thing  I always know is when my mum is going to scream. She screams for a lot of reasons: driving fast, the manicurist tugging her cuticle with a nipper, whistling kettle, a speeding motorcycle passing our side… etc. I can never have a boring day with my mum. We can stay at home wearing ratty pajamas and talk for hours, play chess, watch the television, eat ice cream, grab take-outs, sleep and sleep some more.

A family photo.  L-R Me, Little Sister, Dad, Mum

A family photo. (L-R) Me, Little Sister, Dad, Mum *little brother not in the photo.

Mums, Happy Birthday! We love you very much! 

-Your firstborn

 

A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. — Tenneva Jordan

 

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comparison & contrast

I am usually (if not always) compared to others. Born to a strict Chinese household that equates being the best to having more than others, or doing better than others. I am in constant pressure/battle with my peers and cousins on who gets the nicest/well paid jobs, best dressed, be financially well-off, who gets a “complete package” significant other. While this might prove to be a driving force to make me aim for better, I am actually exhausted in having to keep up with them all, that at times I fantasize on running away to some far-flung place and live without the pressure of keeping up on my shoulder.

 

I don’t have a high paying job, I just have a job. I try my best to dress well even if I cannot afford brand names. I am not well-off, from the start I have always been from a plain family. I have a significant other, though he is far from being a “complete package”, and we are not yet a sealed deal… I love him and he strives really hard at work. I am on my toes trying to keep up with everyone. I think about my cousins, can I still hold my own with them? I think about my friends/classmates, can I catch up? I think about the other single girls in my circle, can I match up to their standards of beauty? I think of my travelling friends, can I go exploring like them someday? I think about the entrepreneur friends I have, can I ever do something like they did? I think of my savings, do I have enough?

I think about keeping up at times (that worries me too much because I am a control freak), I feel powerless when I cant do anything/ I have no plan, I then have panic attacks and end up losing sleep. And then went on to have stomach cramps and ulcer attacks.

 

Comparison

Comparison

 

I then pray to God. God, Thank you for everything you gave me, I need/give me this and that…help me with (insert everything society dictates here).

Then, I stay awake or continue my endless list of God please help me with (insert everything society dictates here) till I fall asleep, and wake up without really ending my prayer. I feel bad about myself when I do that. I feel really guilty, that I cease to pray for the rest of the day and wait for bedtime to attempt praying again.

 

This time, I wanted to let it all go. I want to Let God take all my worries.

This is really hard for me but I will try my darn best to let go.

I will stop comparing myself to others.