life of a cuddlebit

my random ramblings


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lost and found

I now own two umbrellas.

my umbrellas

my umbrellas- on top -the original umbrella, bottom -the new one

That seems to be weird for me, because for the longest time it has always been one umbrella for one little me. I use things until they decide to give up on me (broken). I also develop attachment to things and that sort of “relationship” makes me take good care of my things.

2 years ago.  I came home with my umbrella broken after a fight with strong wind/s of a typhoon, seeing that I have nothing to use the next day my (younger) sister Nicole gave me one of hers. –Unlike me, Nicole sort of collects umbrellas. And owns three or more. It is still in pristine condition that I do not think of it as a hand-me-down but rather as a gift.

The one she gave me is a automatic collapsible umbrella in navy blue with a purple trim. I was thankful for the gift and has grown rather fond of the umbrella for its ease of use and because it is compact and lightweight. Sturdy too!  It has been with me through every rain and the intense heat I encountered on the way. It has been with me through the heavy rains and manages to get me home somewhat dry.

Each time I use the umbrella, I feel grateful for my sister. Obviously, I have a strong sense of attachment to that umbrella.

Till it went missing for (2) weeks. I realized it was missing when there was a drizzle and I tried to look for the umbrella in my bag. No umbrella to be found. I waited for the rain to pass and thought I must have left it at home. Once I got home, I frantically searched for the umbrella but it is nowhere to be found.

It was sad. And because it is the monsoon season, rains are unavoidable. I know I have to find the umbrella or buy a new one. I just braved the rains and still thought the umbrella would magically show up one day at home. Meanwhile, I used a huge golf umbrella as a temporary umbrella. I also came clean and told my sister I lost the umbrella she gave me. I am resigned to the fact that I really have to replace the lost umbrella.

Over the weekend with my sister in tow, I brought a new umbrella (the second umbrella). It was bigger than the first umbrella, much heavier but with the same function. It was lavander with silver trim. While I loved the new umbrella, I still compare it to the original umbrella that I lost.

It has encountered light rains but I didn’t get the chance to use it yet. –My personal take was if it’s just a light rain, why would I bother? It’s just water anyway.

Yesterday, I got a message from Kei. Telling me that the umbrella I lost was going home. I was puzzled. After all, it has been a while. As soon as Kei got home he gave me back the umbrella. Turns out I had forgotten to bring back my umbrella and it was left at our friend’s house. The time they were looking for it, it was mistakenly used as their own by one of their nannies. That made us think that we lost it. But they realized that it was ours and sent it back.

So, I got my beloved umbrella back! -And now I have two umbrellas.

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a relationship is an agreement

Are you familiar with the TV show The Big Bang Theory? If so, I think you find Sheldon and Amy’s relationship a bit weird that they have a relationship agreement. But I will let you in on a secret.

The Big Bang Theory's Amy and Sheldon. Photo from the internet

The Big Bang Theory’s Amy and Sheldon. Photo from the internet

Kei and I actually have a relationship agreement! (But not like Amy and Sheldon’s.) We made it a week after we decided to be a couple. It contains all our promises to each other and we still go back to it from time to time to see if we really do what we promised to each other. We add to it, we improve it and it kind of grows with us and our relationship.

Truth is it took us forever to get together. We have known each other since grade school. That was it. It was not till after college…that our paths crossed again. Kei asked me out 8 times, before I finally agreed to meet him. After seeing him, it took us 6 months or more to decide if we do make sense together. And also determine if we are really attracted to each other.

*Imagine what if Kei stopped asking me out after the third no. Our lives will be so different from what we have today.

In that span of time (is our courtship stage) we got to study each other. What makes each other tick, pet peeves, and rational/ emotional levels.

*At this time, I am still unsure about Kei but would like to know him better without the pressure of coupling up.

So, in my case: What I did was unusual. I insisted that when we go out, we always split the bill. In case the getting to know stage does not proceed to an actual relationship, I do not have any debt of gratitude or in Filipino “utang-na-loob”.  And he will not feel like I am taking advantage of the date (hello! free food). He does however fetch me from home to where we want to go and accompany me back home. From time to time he gives me flowers and chocolates.

At this time, I am shifting the focus from myself to listen to him then reveal and share opinions after. Basically, I am learning about him the same way as he learns about me, getting to know what our negotiable and non-negotiable/s as well as the compromises we agree upon.

*Obviously the dream girl or guy profile you created in your head is usually not the one you meet in real life, Maybe close but not exact.  There is bound to be differences. Kei scored 7 out of 10 in my dream guy checklist. But now I couldn’t imagine anyone better suited to me. If I remember correctly I got 8 on Kei’s dream girl checklist. Yet here we are. 

It is not only attraction; it is also a meeting of minds. This is analyzing people exactly as they are – the good, the bad and all the crazy in between/s. This is two different people trying to see if they can look at things in the same perspective, meld their ideas and complement each other. This is also the acceptance stage.

In example: his ideal girl is 5’4”, your height is sadly 4’11”. Would he be ok with that? Her ideal guy earns 50k a month, you earn 20k a month. Would it be ok? Would that matter? Is it a deal breaker? Do you really need that?

*And realistically, are your standards even possible? You got to ask yourself that. Example: You want a rich, athlete boyfriend with a hot body, are you yourself rich? Are you an athlete with a hot body to match? If not, you might want to rethink your standards. This also applies to those seeking to find a rich partner, Do that person even know you exist? Frequent the same places? Obviously its only in fairy tales that peasant girls marry the prince. Again are your standards realistic?

Because, imagination and real life will never be the same, it will always have differences and sometimes glaring differences.  *Saying this again as this is important.*

You learn from each other and show an effort to understand the likes, dislikes and favorite activities/food/interests of each other. Who knows you might just have a new hobby/skill/interest!

Next, Attitude. This is the make or break in all relationships. This is a deal breaker.

Basically this plays a huge role whether or not your relationship will make it or not. To place it no one wants to be in a relationship with someone conceited, selfish, bossy, fussy, vain… etc. There is no use being with someone who requires you to change yourself/ your friends or your life in order for them to fit into it. That person is a big NO. You need someone who appreciates you for being you.

*Being good looking is a surefire way to get lots of attention; but if that is coupled with an attitude problem, people will stay away from you. Sure, they will tolerate you for a while, but its only just a matter of time till they leave. 

Nobody has time to be with someone who makes them feel bad about themselves. If that person makes you feel more insecure about yourself, that one has to go. A relationship consists of two persons who support each other so there must be harmony between the two.

*Do not expect the other party to give out more, because while it may be fine for the first few times, it will soon be a cause of resentment and then may eventually lead to a huge row or a gradual separation. You get what you give. Learn to appreciate all the little things the other party does for you. He is lucky to get your time and attention yes, but you are lucky he gave you his time and attention also. When they could be with anybody else or go on with their normal lives they made an effort to be with you. Instead of looking at it as: the other party must be thankful, reverse it. You must be thankful.

Frankly, a one sided relationship won’t last honey.

Next, packaging. How do you present yourself? So, you want an executive? Do you dress like a executive yourself? If you do want an executive (obviously he is wearing button down polo and slacks) and then you dress up yourself in a tight t-shirt and skimpy shorts, would it look like a good match?  A tip: Men don’t really notice what you wear, unless it’s really colorful, too revealing, or he is gay. (Don’t dress revealingly as is known to attract those people with not so good intentions. Ok?) What men notice is if you are smiling or not. A smile is equivalent to being approachable. And approaching you is the first step yes?! So, smile on!

Dress your age, and dress for your body type. Remember the time when juicy couture tracksuits were all the rage and we see old aunties wearing sweatpants with the world lovely on the bum? Not cool.

If you want to be taken seriously, you have to dress seriously.

 

Got all that? Maybe you already caught someone’s eye.

*On the meantime that you are waiting for Mr/Ms right to come along improve yourself! Remember like attracts like. So while waiting for your ideal girlfriend, make yourself into the ideal boyfriend. And vice versa.

 

-Taken from our (Kei and Me) recent musings while on a bus ride home. With inputs from our friend Matti.  #tamanglandilang #atadcoquettish

 


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dust in my eye

I always wipe my glasses clean before heading out to work. By afternoon, when I take them out to wipe them again I notice a lot of dust has accumulated on the lenses and I am happily unaware of it. I can only see them when I take my glasses and inspect it on a different view.

I am unaware of stuff clouding up my vision.  But I notice the dirt on my desk, monitor…etc. That is, further to me than my own glasses that rest on my nose.

photo taken from the internet

photo taken from the internet

There are certain friends/people in my environment that are quick to notice the dust in my lenses. And hate me for it. At times, I get terribly affected, sometimes I just don’t care but honestly, it hurts. That I start seeing/looking at the dust that clouds up their lenses too and resenting them.

I don’t even think of them as friends anymore.

Getting to a point that I can feel hate. The mere sound of their voice makes me want to hurl.  

I am walking on a thin thread with this. I swing back and forth from hate and tolerance. I pray for patience and wisdom in dealing with them that at times I prayed that they get the feeling that they make me feel. Sad, I know.

This is partly why I am an introvert from the start. I am afraid of people.

Ignoring my “triggers” seems to help. But that can also grow thin. I just remind myself this:

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. –Matthew 7:1-5

Dear God, please help me with the dust in my eyes. Give me a heart of compassion.


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first things first

I am going to camp! (Thanks to Kei for my sponsorship!)

And this is going to be my first camp experience ever!  excited much?! I am, so much that I even volunteered to design the poster below. 

the SSP-Zion Fellowship retreat poster I made.

the SSP-Zion Fellowship retreat poster

This will be on July 27-28 (Sunday to Monday). We were actually hoping that July 28 will be declared a holiday. But,  apparently, Eid’l Fitr holiday for this year falls on July 29 (a Tuesday). Oh well, I must pass a leave form and do advance work to keep up. Manageable and with time for adjustment! perfect!

Major plus that it will be held in Tagaytay! where the climate is cooler! I can escape metro manila’s oven like temperature. Hooray!

Its been ages since our last church outing. So, I’m thankful to have this opportunity to be with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Our topic for this retreat is apt for us working people, because sometimes our priorities are warped and we still don’t realize it. First things first! I usually claim to be organized and all but, I really fail this one from time to time. I must learn and learn till this is natural. Must improve the quality of my relationship with God. 

A few more days to go!

 

 

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. -Matthew 6:33

 


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A little surprise

In the middle of this dreary week, I got something a little unexpected.

A lavender tulip  Photo by Sherry White

A lavender tulip Photo by Sherry White

This week I am buried in a long list of workloads, and it keeps growing everyday. Also feeling down the dumps due to all the negative stuff in the office, I really cant wait for the weekend to come… I feel awful and it is still the early days of the week.

But somebody thought I could use a little pick me upper.

Last night, Kei surprised me and got me a purple tulip (for our 20th month)! Plus a pink Starbucks cup and a banoffee pie. I did not expect him to show up at home, since he is a really busy with all the projects he is doing, and as of this writing I believe he still has a ton of projects to do. Comes with being a big-shot architect!

I thought last weekend we celebrated our 20th in advance but he surprised me this time.

Thank you Kei. I thank God for you everyday.