life of a cuddlebit

my random ramblings

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that right person

27. I am freaking 27 right now. A few more days and I will be off the calendar. My relatives worry about when I will find the one, most of my friends are engaged, getting married, married or having kids. I feel left out. But it ain’t that bad. Sure, I feel jealous, envious,  like the last product on the display shelf…  But, I feel free because I am still living a pretty awesome life…according to me. I don’t have to worry about a baby, a husband, gaining weight, nannies, kid’s tuition, food, bills, housekeeping (ick, by the way) and a lot of other problem/responsibilities only those who “settled down” has.


You might say: Hey, why the drama. I thought you were exclusively dating Kei?! That architect with the wandering….oh, never mind. What were you trying to say?


I disagree with the usual view society has…that we all have “the one” that was meant for us to be with for the rest of our lives.  That is bullsh*t. I don’t believe that there is just one. There are always a few more. It is not about finding that one, it is about finding that someone who makes you happy and whom you want to live the rest of your life with. It is a conscious decision/effort that you chose that person out of a pool of persons you are compatible with. Of course there is the element of the right timing as well. You cant possibly commit to the right person you met when you were eight. lols.


Been with Kei for two years now. Known each other since grade school. I don’t think that I am the only person that can make him happy, there are a lot more people who can make him happy and treat him well too. Maybe even better that I do. (that goes the other way around too.)


It is easy to find someone you are compatible with, makes you happy and treats you well. But, it is always up to you to decide if that one person is the right one for you. 

It all boils down to conscious effort: commitment. May I add what a bitch of a struggle that effing conscious effort it is. Because at the end of the day, we are two very different individuals. What may be right for me, might not work for him and the other way around. Relationships are never always happy and pretty, they are  pretty gory with a lot of sacrifices sprinkled in between and that makes it real. Because in life, everything you do creates a ripple effect. 


 “In order to determine whether we can know anything with certainty, we first have to doubt everything we know.” -Descartes

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core differences

last week, while taking my morning cup when my best friend sent me our (daily) morning devotion.

Better is a little with righteousness than great revenues without right. -Proverbs 16:8

Followed with a quote that goes: A man is never as good as he says he is, or as bad as others say he is. If people say something bad about you, judge you as if they know you, don’t get affected. just think… Dogs don’t bark if they know the person.


That had my mouth hanging open. How did my best friend know what I was thinking about? I quickly told her my thoughts and she answered I was thinking about those too. Wow. Even when we are miles apart we still have the “connection”. We go through the same experiences in life together, (not physically together) usually in a same circumstance/phase only with different participants/place/instances. we also have sort of the same outlook on problems and this has been going on since we were kids!  We do however have our own individual differences,preferences and demeanor too, but we blend well. 

coffee chart taken from the internet

coffee chart taken from the internet

I realized people are like coffee, some are sweet, dark, mild, strong, light, bitter, etc. All attributed to how they are formed.


Lets use a cup of espresso as example. A shot of espresso is comprised of layers.

Pick out your beans.  Then we make the brew, time the shot and pour the coffee. It then separates to 3 layers. (from the top)

1. “crema” that fine-foam of oils containing the coffee’s best flavors and aromatic properties.

2.  “body” the middle part also the mouth fill of the shot.

3.  “core” or “heart” of the coffee. This is the deep brown bottom layer, which dictates the bitterness of the shot,


With people, it is composed of much more layers. People ‘s attitudes are formed by experiences, pressures, values, principles, standards, internal and external factors which are all unique, and different from others. Which is actually a good thing as we are all individuals. But there are times clashes occur. Maybe because of…

1. “Appearance” that outer body people look at, nationality, how you present yourself…etc.

2. “Mindset” how you think, biases, culture.

3. “Heart” feelings and attitude.

4. “Values” principles, internalized beliefs.

5. “Core” experiences that molded you into what you are and what you believe in.


coffee from pinterest

coffee from pinterest


The sum of the above dictates what kind of person a person is.

Maybe this explains why some people are good to be around with, and some to stay away from.

What is the mix of your brew?


“If the world hates you, remember that the world hated me first. If you belonged to the world, then the world would love you like it loves its own people. But I have chosen you out of the world. So you don’t belong to the world. That is why the world hates you. Remember the lesson I told you: A servant is not greater than his master. If people did wrong to me, then they will do wrong to you too. And if people obeyed my teaching, then they will obey yours too.”  -John15:18-20

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comparison & contrast

I am usually (if not always) compared to others. Born to a strict Chinese household that equates being the best to having more than others, or doing better than others. I am in constant pressure/battle with my peers and cousins on who gets the nicest/well paid jobs, best dressed, be financially well-off, who gets a “complete package” significant other. While this might prove to be a driving force to make me aim for better, I am actually exhausted in having to keep up with them all, that at times I fantasize on running away to some far-flung place and live without the pressure of keeping up on my shoulder.


I don’t have a high paying job, I just have a job. I try my best to dress well even if I cannot afford brand names. I am not well-off, from the start I have always been from a plain family. I have a significant other, though he is far from being a “complete package”, and we are not yet a sealed deal… I love him and he strives really hard at work. I am on my toes trying to keep up with everyone. I think about my cousins, can I still hold my own with them? I think about my friends/classmates, can I catch up? I think about the other single girls in my circle, can I match up to their standards of beauty? I think of my travelling friends, can I go exploring like them someday? I think about the entrepreneur friends I have, can I ever do something like they did? I think of my savings, do I have enough?

I think about keeping up at times (that worries me too much because I am a control freak), I feel powerless when I cant do anything/ I have no plan, I then have panic attacks and end up losing sleep. And then went on to have stomach cramps and ulcer attacks.





I then pray to God. God, Thank you for everything you gave me, I need/give me this and that…help me with (insert everything society dictates here).

Then, I stay awake or continue my endless list of God please help me with (insert everything society dictates here) till I fall asleep, and wake up without really ending my prayer. I feel bad about myself when I do that. I feel really guilty, that I cease to pray for the rest of the day and wait for bedtime to attempt praying again.


This time, I wanted to let it all go. I want to Let God take all my worries.

This is really hard for me but I will try my darn best to let go.

I will stop comparing myself to others.